already this morning i was planning ways i could tell my director that i was going to quit. i had to quickly thinkof some new plan for my life. maybe i could switch schools? or just move all together? or i could just quit at the nine weeks, and graduate a semester early next year. or maybe i could just kill myself. someone i know has been talking about killing themselves and i figured maybe we could just overdose together? or maybe i could just stay in, sit out through competition, and have fun at spring show? or maybe i could do something bad, like starving myself, and then i could be put in a hospital and so that way i would't be able to dance even if i did pass my classes.

all these thoughts were running through my head this morning as i was driving to school and i was just a complete nervous wreck. i didn't let it show though.

i just kept my normal smiling face, said hello to all my friends who walked by in the hall, and then i realized: today i had to take a stupid fucking standardized test.

and so i took the damn test, and was stuck in a room for three hours with a bunch of boys.

they were fun to be with though, of course.

and so then first block gets cancelled. FANTASTIC. no pre-calculus today. and so i go to the dance room for lunch and asked my director if my teacher had ever written her back...

she said yes and pulled up the e-mail on her computer screen.

said i made a 95 on the test and that my new average is a 71.

holy shit!

i'm so not lame anymore.

and therefore i don't have to jump off that stupid cliff anymore. looks like i'll be around for a while, kiddos.

in the meantime, i am staring at his screen name on my buddy list debating on whether or not to talk to him.

for now i choose no.

rock &roll