i'm feeling a little bit empty and i just want to write. thus far i have spent my day just messing around at diaryland, reading other people's diaries and whatnot. it gets boring after a while and so i start reading my own. i wish i was smarter and more cultured and had more intellect. i want to grow up so badly. a lot of times i really don't feel good enough no matter how often i tell myself to just shut up.

but then there are other times when i feel so much better. it probably isn't right for me to assume that though. bad bad bad. i'm not sure what all went on but i really don't want to hear about any of it, nor did i want to. unfortunately, ideas have already crossed my ears and i am forced to picture things in my mind that i really don't want to see. is it bad that i was worried? i've been feeling quite alone lately and i think it was just the motherly side of me? i miss him. i feel sort of bad for being pissed but then sometimes i don't feel bad at all.

i am not a bad person. i am a good person. with nice morals and high standards. it's nothing to be ashamed of.

okay...feeling better.

i am pissed. pissed pissed pissed.

my pre-calculus teacher is the devil because she is ruining my life. she is failing me and therefore i cannot dance in san fucking marcos. pissed! my absolute favorite part of the year, and it's gone from me. gone gone. slipped right through my fingers, all over a ridiculous test. i hate her i hate her i hate her. for that one fucking point, i hope she dies a horrible and painful death.

ooh. i'm mean. i need to stop that.

but it's okay because i still get to go. i cried and cried and cried but i'm feeling much better now. like andrea said, this could really give me a new perspective on life. like maybe i value certain things in life too much. maybe i need to re-evaluate my...damn, what's that word? priorities. there ya go.

re-evaluate my priorities.

but what the hell are my priorities? i don't even know. do i really value anything? the answer to that, is yes.

daniel daniel daniel. i love him.

and then there is my dancing.

and that really is about all.

and so, i think this whole situation is telling me to focus on school. ever since last august, i have stopped giving a flying fuck about what i do in school. that's really bad since HI, it's my junior year and i need to get things straightened out. i do want to graduate, don't i? i do want to go to UT, don't i? then why the hell do i act like i don't care?

no fucking idea.

so okay,...i'm going to fix that.

must get life back together.

ahh i've done enough blabbling for the day. revealed oo much i'm sure.

all done.

rock &roll