i'm feeling a lot better today. i talked to phillip a lot last night and he makes me feel special. i get so giddy just thinking about him. i remember being in 8th grade talking to my best friend on the swingset and telling her how much i thought i loved him. and i don't think that feeling ever died. it just temporarily goes away sometimes. and now it's coming back.

blah. i am horribly behind in school. i am in desperate need of motivation. as of yesterday, my average in chemistry was a 13 because i was missing a test and lots of assignments. i don't think skipping school yesterday was the best idea for me. but at least i got to get away for a while. and i realized how much i really do love my friends. and how much they really do love me.

in the meantime, that boy avoids me at all costs because he knows he lied. and of course i have heard about it. he tells people that i "attacked him." that's such bullshit. it's almost kind of funny. i hope he's scared of me.

so anyway, a lot of people hate him right now. hahaha. good call.

i love talking to phillip. i really need him, i think. and in going on 4 years of knowing him, i can't recall a time that he has ever let me down. if not anything, he has always been at least the perfect friend to me. he is so charming and intelligent. i'm already nervous about seeing him when he comes home for christmas break. i don't want to screw anything up. this could be it. this could be fate. this could be my chance to finally have what i've always wanted.

he makes me want to be a better person. <3

rock &roll