following my previous entry, i got in the shower the next night and cut again, four more times.

i am a cutter.

it seems so weird, to label myself that way. but i kind of like it, in some odd way.

i like being brave. i love just sitting there digging the razor into my skin and thinking "it doesn't hurt, it doesn't hurt, it doesn't hurt..."

and then i see the blood run down...and i love seeing the red. it makes me feel so brave. i never thought i would have the courage to actually cut. but i like it. you hear all these people saying "i cut to turn the mental pain into something physical," and things like that, but that has nothing to with me. there's just something about cutting that i am drawn to. at first it was weird to see the marks, but now i'm almost proud of them.

and i'm sure you probably don't understand, and that's okay. i never made a lot of sense anyway. i just hope this doesn't get out. people will think i'm crazy. and that's the last thing i need...more people turning against me.

rock &roll