everything is gone. i think i will never feel whole again. francisco made me happy. i don't have him anymore. he left me, for nothing, with nothing. i am a wilting flower laying breathless on the floor.

i could always go to my friend's house, but i feel like i shouldn't. she deliberately lies to us. maybe she's ashamed. and she should be.

my other friend is at her boyfriend's house. which is fine.

and i have no desire to talk to my other friend. i think it makes me feel worse. just by knowing he's there. just by knowing that i could have him at any given moment, yet i choose not to.

and those are my friends. want to know something that is really fucked up? my two best girlfriends and i used to all have boyfriends. and of all of our relationships, mine and francisco's was the best. but yet, we're the only ones who broke up. and i have my friends complain to me every day about their boyfriends saying they want to break up with them, and it makes me feel really sad. like, what if francisco complained about me to his friends? that makes me feel like such a loser.

everything hurts me right now. i am so fragile. nobody knows what to say to me. i wonder if they care.

i miss having someone to call every day and say i love you too. even if he didn't mean it. it wouldn't matter anymore.

rock &roll